Writing Up A Predator Story Here It Is So Far

long ago  there was a clan made by  one of the most worthy yatjas on the home planet the barakutu clan only 5 others made it in one of the hunters that made itnt in was 17 years of age unusual for a yatuja of his age, time past and the hunters were deceased in battle all exept, the 17 year old he grew into a vengeful ruthless being  the elders of other clans drew back in fear to see the last barakutu hunter approach and yet, it was considerd an honor to die by his hand  the elders of the  cities made him one of their own took a berserker, a badblood into their socioty because he was an exallent hunter  he was ranked elite  as he had alreaddy gaind  warrior  from them long ago  he is now 24 years old and is still going strong he has lots of power and the time has come to return  to earth.



i accutually have not thought of where to set the hunt ideas are welcombe i know yatjas wouldent take in a badblood usualy
but this needs to happen to make the story work
 

Estelle

Hunter
berserker_elite said:
no offence taken.

im not really very good with grammer (ima lil stupid)  
You're not stupid, don't ever say than again! You're just new to this whole writing thing. There are a lot of aspects to the art that we take for granted, or just over look. We don't realize this until we actually sit down to write out a story we have in our head, then we see that it's not as easy as one would think! My advise to you would be to read, read, read! And continue to write as well.  Another thing you could do, would be to join an online writing community. There is an excellent writing forum of which I'm a member of ( warning: you will have to Read, Read, Read)..called "Writing Forums"
best of luck to you sweetie!
~Estelle
 
thank you alot :D  ok ill remember its spelt yautja i can never spell that so thanks another little  peice i wrote in a maths lesson here


The  snow  is whipping down, the woodland is like a frozen wasteland, a snow desert and the boy is lost  not knowing where hes going  when theres a flash in the sky and something lands only a few meters away from him , curios, he goes over to take a look  its a black cylinder shape  theres a hiss and the door opens. Something  is there
 

Giles

Blooded
Hey Berserker, good effort on the start, remember whether it is sculpting, drawing, painting or writing we all need to start somewhere. I know people that keep their talent hidden as they are afraid to show people in case they get judged or told they are rubbish. The internet can be a savage place although the Lair will have nothing but constructive criticism, or if someone is out of line the other members will have your back.

Before you get hung up on details think about the general story. So far the outline is pretty cool. So you have the Barakutu clan made up of 6 or 7 preds including a 17 yr old. Over the next 7 years the others get killed leaving only him. He gets welcomed in and then heads to earth. Try and build up a bit of background which might help guide the story. Why did the Barakutu clan get formed. How is this youngster the only one alive? Did something happen on a hunt on earth which is why he is going back? Is there a more fearsome Predator on earth? Did the clan leader sacrifice himself to ensure the Barakutu clan continued? Is he hunting for revenge?

Some of these questions might help you. If you want to bounce any ideas around feel free to pm me.
 
thanks i put the snow in like as a frosen woodland possibly alaska or  sibiria or somewhere cold NOT antartica otherwise they might discover a temple :p   i just thought of a really cool scene in the snow no pun intended  but  ive thought of the next scene  here it is :D




the boy draws closer dropping something in the snowd over floor,  the snow around the cylinder  has melted  the boy puts his hand closer to the cylinder  but the intense heat stopped him  before he scalded his hand on the  white  hot metal.  somthing zipped past he  turned his head sharply  then he saw the strangest of things  3 laser dots  creeping up his body and they settled in a neat triangilar formation on his foreehead with a light  blue flash, the boy knew no more




can i just also thank you all for all your compliments and support its much apprechiated
 
another update:


BANG! BANG! BANG!  danny mieker takes his sound supresors of his ears and goes over to the target board "3 headshots danny wouldent wanna mess with you"
says a voice from behind  "genral! what the hell are you doing here?" says danny "look danny boy" replies the genral "youre one of the best we have!" "youre being awfuly polite genaral" he said  "witch can only mean you want to ask another favor of me"  "come on dan dont be like that..." but before the genaral could finish danny interupted "look genral what do you want?" the genral sighd "a boy went missing the other day he was found dead" "so" replied danny "let the police deal with it were the army for god sake" "thats not the thing" said the genral "he was murderd, his chest was torn apart a new kind of weapon the wound was fused not pretty. "ok genral where we gotta go"

"the woodlands over the mountain" replied the genral  "you gotta be shittin me  its wasteland  out there" "im not im just doin my job" the genral pulled danny closer right up in his face "why dont you just stop bitch'in and do yours!" "yes sir" said danny in a  annoyed voice!  "ill get  ready!"
 
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